What inspired you to write The Emotional Hustle in the first place?
I was so tired of striving and never being able to switch off. It left me feeling broken, but when I learnt about the human mind and neuroscience, everything dropped into place. I understood why life could feel difficult. I was relieved but also angry. Why aren’t we taught about how our emotions and thoughts work?
I wanted to share my story to let other women know that we’re all going through this stuff, and its part of being human and how our minds are formed.
You open with very honest, often humorous stories. Why was it important to blend humour with vulnerability?
Some memories are very painful, but I can’t change them. Every incident, good or bad, has brought me to this point. Humour lightens the load a little and it’s definitely helped me navigate life’s adversities. My family is part Liverpudlian and part Irish; I think humour is in my genes.
How did you decide which life events to include and which to leave out?
I think because I was following a structure, it was easier to narrow down the stories that I could relate to that structure.
The book follows Hawkins’ emotional scale. Why did you choose this structure?
I was looking for a way to explain my own journey and when I came across Hawkin’s scale, it made a lot of sense to me. I could see how our fear-based patterns keep us trapped and how courage is required to break through them. But courage alone isn’t enough, particularly as our most damaging traits sit in our blind spots outside of our awareness. Hawkins identifies mindfulness as a transformational trait, so this gave me an opportunity to weave in my own experience of mindfulness.
What does ‘transformation’ mean to you now, compared to before you started writing?
I guess I always imagined transformation as a one-time event, like the Buddha gaining enlightenment. I now see it as a series of turning points that change how we feel about ourselves and about life. Mindfulness has helped me to understand myself and to experience some profound personal development. Without mindfulness, I probably wouldn’t have written the book. The writing process highlighted that some of the adversity I’ve experienced has left me feeling small and separate. Through writing, I’ve been able to reflect on those events with an adult lens and it’s helped me to shed some real emotional baggage. I feel stronger and resilient, like it’s finally time to do things my way.
Did you ever consider leaving certain chapters out because they felt ‘too much’ to share?
Absolutely! I was still carrying the shame of wetting myself in class and didn’t want to mention it in the book. But the truth is, I lived on my nerves and the teacher was a bully. I thought twice about my boyfriend story because he was also a bully, and people are surprised I put up with it. When our self-esteem is low, we seem to lose sight of our true worth. I know there are women out there who have experienced much worse. So, I felt it was important to be honest.
How did your mindfulness training influence the way you told your story?
One of the crucial factors of the training I’ve received is the value of self-compassion. When we develop mindful awareness skills, we can’t filter out our experience to see only the positive aspects of our personality. So, we need self-compassion to really learn to know ourselves. It helps us to examine those traits that we don’t really like, because often they reveal our coping strategies.
If readers take away only one message from your book, what should it be?
I’d like to say that it’s never too late to start, but my good friend and proofreader Helen has got her entire family hooked on Virginia Satir’s quote. “We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.” It’s all about the joy!
How should readers use this book—read straight through, or dip in as needed?
I would recommend end-to-end. The lotus flower grows because of the mud, and the reader needs to experience the mud first.
Who do you think will benefit most from The Emotional Hustle?
I think this is a book for women, particularly those who are striving with life, trying to do it all but not making the time to really experience their own joy.
Was the publishing process what you expected?
I expected the publishing process to be a lot more painful than it was. It was hard handing over something so personal, but it helped that the editor was also a writer herself and fully understood the nerves and apprehension. Thank you, Estelle, for your support and for simplifying everything.
What’s next for you as a writer and coach?
I run retreats that combine books with mindfulness and would love to work through my own book with women who feel it has something to offer them. As a coach, the book outlines my end-to-end journey, and now that it’s out in the open, I feel more compelled to work with people who have experienced the book and are seeking support for long-term change.
The Emotional Hustle by Julie Perrigo is now out on Amazon.
